Hi, I'm from the late arriving American Airways flight. I have a checked bag, and I'd just like to confirm that my bag will go through to Istanbul with me.
Certainly, sir. The bag is checked through.
So it will get there when I do?
Are you lying to me?
Come on, sir. You've been to Heathrow before. You know what to expect.
Hmm. Good point. This would in fact be the second bag of mine that you've lost this year.
I did eventually get the other one back, of course, although it looked like it had been fed to a large animal. A hippopotamus, at a guess.
Close, sir, but it was actually a lowland gorilla. We only feed hard-shell luggage to the hippos.
Let me get this straight. You take passengers' bags and feed them to exotic animals?
Do you have a better explanation of the condition they arrive in?
Well, no, actually. So what will happen to my rucksack?
Can't say at this point, sir. We're not allowed to spoil the surprise.
But it's a safe bet that it won't be there when I get to Istanbul.
And you won't be able to find it before I fly on to Dushanbe the next day?
You are aware that that bag contains all my underwear, plus my girlfriend's cold weather clothing. Both of which would be rather nice to have in the Pamirs.
I imagine so, sir.
I see. Well, thank you for nothing.
Our pleasure, sir. Enjoy your trip.